My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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