I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just invented taco cereal.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
