I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
