Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
