last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
this will be a night to untag.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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