I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
