You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
