you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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