Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
