Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
