My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
