He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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