covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
