I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
