When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
