remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
