In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
