just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
