the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
