were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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