hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
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Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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