Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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