And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
