Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My vagina is officially offended.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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