So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
