I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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