answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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