I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
