she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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