so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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