even my farts smell like vagina
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
