1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
