I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
