is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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