I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
