i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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