she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
