Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
