and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize