Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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