A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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