Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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