I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Come share oat with me in your robe
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
