Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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