4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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