I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
