and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
