I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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