Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
