I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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