I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
