Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
