The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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