I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
