My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize