We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
