It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
