he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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