If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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