Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
