Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

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  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16770) Bad night (1599)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again

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  (732): hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again http://tfl.nu/ne0q
  Replies (23) Good night (1731) Bad night (7831)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.

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  (218): I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot. http://tfl.nu/z5np
  Replies (4) Good night (1098) Bad night (3043)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet

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  (719): He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet http://tfl.nu/3sfp
  Replies (7) Good night (2896) Bad night (985)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.

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  (585): Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you. http://tfl.nu/iycg
  Replies (12) Good night (2649) Bad night (2070)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.

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  (573): I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt. http://tfl.nu/esr9
  Replies (7) Good night (1597) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.

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  (778): the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting. http://tfl.nu/qa9b
  Replies (1) Good night (1398) Bad night (771)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.

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  (404): Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining. http://tfl.nu/2wxu
  Replies (8) Good night (3930) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.

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  (615): i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado. http://tfl.nu/rfln
  Replies (11) Good night (1751) Bad night (718)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.

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  (580): The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference. http://tfl.nu/nnsg
  Replies (9) Good night (675) Bad night (1964)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.

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  (716): please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this. http://tfl.nu/hb6a
  Replies (1) Good night (856) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  That's my new pick up line call me a polish name

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  (773): And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad. (1-773): That's my new pick up line call me a polish name http://tfl.nu/jbx5
  Replies (5) Good night (1008) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.

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  (479): The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it. http://tfl.nu/6rje
  Replies (7) Good night (1285) Bad night (438)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?

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  (313): Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise? http://tfl.nu/m7ic
  Replies (3) Good night (412) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.

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  (248): this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here. http://tfl.nu/h7oj
  Replies (3) Good night (446) Bad night (262)

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