I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.