he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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