Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.