I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Terrible idea I love it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!