My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.