i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
