i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's